Previous Entry Share
The Roommate Agreement
Below is just a small list of known rules from the Agreement. The full one is much longer and in depth than this.

Article 1: Upon Becoming a Roommate
Section  1: A roommate gets an ID Card, a lapel pin, FAQ sheet and a key. New roommates may be interested in the live webchat on Tuesday nights called “Apartment Talk.”
Section 5, subsection A: Roommate must drive Sheldon to and from work, the comic book store, the barber shop, and the park for one hour every other Sunday for fresh air.
Section 5, subsection B: Roommate is tasked to bring home all take out dinners. ( Standard orders are located in Appendix B, and are also down-loadable from Sheldon’s FTP server)
Section 9: The apartment’s flag is a gold lion rampant on a field of azure and should never fly upside down—unless the apartment’s in distress
Article 3: Co-Habitation
Section 1, subsection A: Past 10 p.m. you must refrain from raucous laughter, clinking of glasses and celebratory gunfire.
Section 1, subsection B: Roommate does not now nor does intend to play percussive or brass instruments.
Section 1, subsection C: The thermostat must remain at 71 degrees Fahrenheit.
Section 2, subsection B: Roommates agree that Friday nights shall be reserved for watching Joss Whedon's brilliant new series Firefly.
Section 3: Leonard and Matt have the right to allocate fifty percent of the cubic footage of the common areas, but Sheldon must be notified in advance via email before this action occurs.
Section 4:  Pets are banned in the room with exception to service animals (including cybernetically-enhanced helper monkeys).
Section 5: The selection of a new take-out restaurant requires public hearings and a 60-day comment period.
#1: Sheldon must ask at least once a day how Leonard is, even if Sheldon doesn’t care.
#2: Sheldon will no longer stage spontaneous biohazard drills after 10 pm
#3. Sheldon will no longer practice Tuvan throat singing
#4: Apartment vacuuming shall be increased from two to three times a week to accommodate the increased accumulation of dead skin cells.
Article 3: The Bathroom
Section 1: Roommates will acknowledge and use the two pieces of tape in the bathroom designated for specific purposes:
Tape A: Located in front of the sink. Person must brush and floss teeth behind the line.
Tape B: Located in front of the toilet, those who stand up to pee must stand in front of it.
Section 2: Before the use of a shower, the party agrees to wash his or her feet in his or her designated bucket.
Section 7: The shower can have at most one occupant, except in the event of an attack by water soluble aliens.  
Subsection B: The right to bathroom privacy is suspended in the event of force majeure.
Addendum J:  When Sheldon showers second, any and all measures shall be taken to ensure an adequate supply of hot water.
(Side Note: If someone gets the mirror or floor dirty, before Sheldon’s inspection, they can [and likely will] lose their TV privileges.)
Article 10: Visitors
Section 8:  24-hour notice will be given if a non-relative female will be staying over night.
Section 8, subsection C: Roommates shall give each other 12 hours notice of impending coitus.
Section 9: A girlfriend shall be deemed "living with" Leonard or Matt when she has stayed over for A) ten consecutive nights or B) for more than nine nights in a three-week period or C) all the weekends of a given month plus three weeknights.
Section 9, subsection A: Upon a live-in girlfriend, there shall be a change in the distribution of shelves in the fridge.
Section 9, subsection B: Apartment vacuuming shall be increased from three to four times a week to accommodate the increased accumulation of dead skin cells.  
Section 9, subsection C: A change in the bathroom schedule shall be implemented.
Section 9, subsection D: Girlfriend does not now nor does she intend to play percussive or brass instruments.
Skynet Clause: In the event that one roommate creates artificial intelligence that’s taking over the world, the other roommate agrees to help destroy it.
Body Snatchers Clause:  Roommate agrees to help the other destroy someone who has been replaced by an alien pod.
Godzilla Clause:  Roommate will help the other destroy the entity which threatens to destroy Tokyo.
Time Travel Clause:  In the event that a roommate invents time travel, he or she agrees the first stop is to appear exactly five seconds after this clause of the Roommate Agreement is signed.
Ties Clause: All ties will be settled by Sheldon.
Zombie Clause: In the event one roommate is bitten by a zombie, the other roommate can’t kill him, even if he turns.
Bill Gate Clause: In the event that one roommate is invited to go swimming at Bill Gate’s house, the roommate will take the other to accompany him.
Super Powers Clause: In the event one roommate gets super powers, he will name the other as his sidekick.
Clause # 37: In the event one roommate is ever invited to visit the Large Hadron Collider, now under construction in Switzerland, he shall invite the other roommate to accompany him.
Robot Clause: Roommate must assist the other if one becomes a robot.
Reciprocity Clause:
MacArthur Grant Clause:


Log in